Coming up on 6 months…

My pregnancy has been relatively easy thus far.  Despite all of the emotional turmoil, I have been lucky to be coasting into my sixth month with no problems.  I didn’t even have morning sickness in the first trimester – lucky me!!  Right now I feel my little peanut moving around (a la Alien) and making the most of the time he/she is completely protected from the harshness of this world.

I get sad sometimes when I think about the fact that there will be no father in the delivery room.  That my step-daughter won’t be able to proudly stroll into the hospital wearing an “I’m the big sister” t-shirt.  That there will be no family photo of the four of us.  I know that it can’t happen, but there is still a place inside of me that wishes that it could.

I’ve been blessed throughout all of this with amazing friends.  They have carried me through the hardest times, and been there to put a smile on my face on an almost daily basis.  They will, most certainly, be part of a huge extended family that this baby is going to have.  There will be no shortage of love and care.  This baby will have more aunts and uncles than he/she knows what to do with!

I wonder though, if some day, my little one will ask me about the moment they entered the world.  What will I say?  I’m not the type who will bad mouth the other parent, whether or not he chooses to be involved in his child’s life.  I think, the best and most simple answer will be something along the lines of “It was the happiest moment of my life, and all of the people that are important to us were there to share it with me.” This will not even be stretching the truth, it will be pure fact.

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2 Responses to Coming up on 6 months…

  1. midnightkat2006 says:

    I really do feel so happy that you feel the way you do! I think it is awesome that you will be that way, and that you have people there for you who care about you like that. I have just recently become pregnant and I am scared to death because my doctors told me that I could not become pregnant and here I am almost 2 months.. lol. I think it is really great that you are staying strong and your child will appreciate that when they are old enough to realize it.

    -SarahD

  2. Aestas says:

    I used to think about “Alien” all the time when I was pregnant and my daughter would squirm! You’re lucky about the morning sickness–I had it, and it was awful, like having a stomach flu for three months straight.

    As far as thinking about the delivery and him not being there, I want to share a little of my own experience, and maybe it’ll help. I left my ex for the first time when I was six months pregnant. I’d tried to leave him before that, too, but had always relented and stayed. When I left him the first time, I kept thinking about the baby and how he wouldn’t be there to feel her kick, to watch my belly grow, to see the ultrasounds. I was so depressed thinking about him missing her birth that I took him back.

    I left him for good when she was just 11 days old, and I was still sad and uncertain thinking about him missing things: when she first rolled over, sat up, clapped her hands, learned to walk, said her first word. But that time, I just couldn’t go back. And now, as the baby and I have coursed through some of these major milestones together, I realize that I might as well have left him the minute I found out I was pregnant. Having him there through most of the pregnancy and the birth didn’t help; in fact, he made a lot of things worse. He laid into me in the hospital, the day after our daughter was born. I was crying so hard that the nurses got alarmed, so I lied and told them it was just hormones, when really, I was scared to go home with him. He slept the whole time we were in the hospital and didn’t help me. After we got home, he threatened to choke me to death, and then I discovered he’d stolen the painkillers they’d given me at the hospital and taken them himself while he was supposed to be helping me. That’s when I left for good.

    I wish now I hadn’t stayed so long. I feel like some of the most amazing moments (like my daughter’s birth) were tainted because he was there, and the memory is bittersweet because of it. Giving birth was so amazing and such a miracle, but I wish he hadn’t been there.

    You’re doing the right thing. You’ll be glad you didn’t let him in to ruin any more of your greatest moments.

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