Just feel like crying

I have my appointment with The Legal Project tomorrow morning. I’m trying to prepare by gathering all documents and communications I have from my husband. I’m also trying to make a list of questions that I have regarding how things might go with child support and custody, which will be coming up as soon as the baby is born.

I have every e-mail my husband has sent me during the times that I’ve left him. I’ve gone through almost a ream of paper printing them all. But seeing them, reading the horrible things that he says, or even when he was trying to be manipulatively sweet, is really making me sad. Sad for myself that I endured all of this, sad for him that he’ll never see how truly sick and twisted he is, and sad for his daughter and our baby that they have a father like this.

I’m nervous about meeting with this attorney. He thinks that I’m still working with my friend as my attorney, and has no idea that I’m pursuing other options for counsel. He thinks that he can manipulate her too. I just want this all to go smoothly and quickly, at least for the divorce. He sent me the settlement agreement yesterday, with the updated date and the statement that he is Pro Se, but he changed the notary page so it only has his name in both places and he still hasn’t fixed the year we are married. He doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing, which hopefully will work in my favor.

I’ve also been thinking more and more about custody and child support. I looked at the numbers based on just what I make, and it’s going to be almost impossible for me to take care of health insurance (I have to go from single to family coverage and it will take another $80 out of every check), babysitting when I go back to work, and still be able to pay my bills. Not to mention the everyday baby expenses that I’m going to have. I need to file for CS, as much as I don’t want to. Because it will provoke him into fighting for sole physical and legal custody. Not that he’ll get it, but after 12 weeks of maternity leave, I’m not going to have a lot of time to spend in court because he’s crazy. I know it’s not about the baby with him, it’s about control. I’m completely willing to give him visitation, supervised at first until it can be documented that he is following a treatment plan for his diagnosed BPD. I want to be cooperative in the eyes of the court, even though I wish he would get hit by a truck.

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One Response to Just feel like crying

  1. If you’ll supply the truck, I’ll gladly be the driver! đŸ™‚
    (joking!!)

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