Well, here I am, less than a month after Kendal’s birth, and my reconcilliation with her father has fallen apart. I don’t know why I ever thought that things would get better or that he would change. I guess it came out of my desperate need to try and be a family again for her sake. At least now, when she asks me someday, I can tell her honestly that I really did try.
He and I got in a fight today about his “friend” – the girl that he had started a relationshipwith when I left. I voiced some of my concerns about her to him (ok, I was a little overly emotional about it) and things just went downhill from there. It ended with him calling me not long ago to tell me that he’s decided to sell his house and move out of state and start his life over so that he can be happy. I’m sure he won’t really do it, but it made me realize that there really is no way for us to be fixed.
I used to tell him all the time that sometimes love just isn’t enough. I guess I was right. I’ll always love him to some extent, but I’m not playing this game anymore. I’m not going to sit around and pretend that we’ll ever be ok. I think he and I both agree that it’s just never going to be what it should be.
I hope he does move. I hope that he can be happy. But he’s probably full of shit and just trying to get me to give in and move back. It’s not going to happen though. I’m taking this as the sign that I need to move on with my life once and for all. There’s no going back this time.
Kendal and I will be just fine. Everything will be the way that it’s supposed to be. I will make a great life for us. I’ve already started.