I’m sitting here, wondering how I’m going to tell my parents that I’m staying the night at my husband’s house tomorrow. With the baby. I don’t know why I’m wondering how to tell them, or even why I’m concerned about what they think. I’m almost 30 years old. When I came home to live with them, it wasn’t to be treated like a child too. But, here I sit, worried about the fall out that it’s going to cause.
Mike wants to spend more time with Kendal. He’s missing out on these precious days, and I know that it’s got to be devestating for him. I want him to have that time. I have no problem spending the night with him so that he can be with his daughter. So that we can start being a family again. He’s desperate to prove to me that things are different. I already see the differences. And yet I’m hesitant to go home. Because I don’t want to listen to what my family and friends are going to say. I don’t want to be shown all the worst possible scenarios. I know what COULD happen. But I also know that if I keep thinking about all the negative things, I’ll never be able to let the positive things shine through.
I’m sitting here, with a baby, 50 miles away from a man that loves her more than anything in this world. That loves me, and shows me that every day. We’ve been separated for almost a year. We’ve both dated other people, tried to move on with our lives, but to no avail. No one makes me feel the way that he does. He says the same and I believe him. I want to get my family back together, and I feel like all the pieces are starting to fit. But I need to start biting the bullet because whether I tell people now, or tell them later, they’re going to be angry at me for my decision. But in the end, it’s my decision to have my family together. It’s my decision to trust in the man that I pledeged my life to almost 5 years ago. It’s my decision to move on with him, regardless of who stands by me and who doesn’t.
I know that my parents will always love me, even if they don’t like the choices that I make. I know who the few close friends are that will be there for me no matter what. I’m also aware that there are those who will turn their backs on me. I’m ok with all of it. Because in the end, I have to make myself happy.